And the winner of $888 is…

ALFONSE CHIU!

We’re pleased to announce the winner of the Parky McParkface Naming Competition! The competition, which ran from 9 July to 31 August 2019, invited members of public to submit alternative names for Armenian Street Park, the newly pedestrianised park in front of The Substation. The competition involved a public online voting process, from which a name submitted by Alfonse Chiu emerged as the most voted entry.

We reached out to Alfonse for a comment on his winning entry, Park Tor Garden for the Upward Population Growth of Singapore to Combat an Inverted Population Triangle and Rejuvenate Our Slowing Economy Regardless of Race, Language or Religion, which garnered a total of 252 votes and won him a cash prize of $888. Huat ah!

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As a distinguished senior civil servant once remarked not so long ago, humans require only a very small space to procreate—presumably, without much thought for recreation or aspiration—and thus it is not necessary for them to have obtained dwellings first before they fornicate. Unfortunately for the aforementioned civil servant, a poll attached to the broadsheet editorial that proudly displayed her sentiments revealed that humans do very much prefer to have a home first before they commence piak-piak with the intent of producing the future generation in mind.

It is in the spirit of this beautiful contradiction that the park outside of The Substation (possibly named this way because it can take a lot of punishments, if not it would have been The Domstation) should be named the Park Tor Garden for the Upward Population Growth of Singapore to Combat an Inverted Population Triangle and Rejuvenate Our Slowing Economy Regardless of Race, Language or Religion to commemorate the current administration’s efforts in boosting the KPIs (Key Piak-Piak Indicator) of our national exercise to increase the population so that our economic growth can maintain its apparent momentum, even as the threat of complete climate annihilation and submersion by the rising sea level looms in the near-future. As part of the administration’s official commitment to equal representation, the name reflects the perennial tradition to mention that there are no biases, without concrete measures undertaken to guarantee it.

“What is a king without his people?”